My denial begins of the events that were to start to unfold.....
On May 15th, 2013, I awoke with many ideas of what I wanted to get done that day. I had errands to run and projects to get done. One project was to get my flower pots filled with new flowers for the season. Cera, Cady (Cera's friend), Roma and I ventured out to the errands for the morning. Drop of other kids to school started the adventure.... stop by a friends to buy skirts for the girls, buy flowers for pots at Joe's greenhouse and a quick stop at Walmart. After the errands Roma went to lunch with friends and I dropped Cera and Cady off at kindergarten. I was craving protein, so I called my parents to meet up for lunch. We meet over at BBQ place so I could have protein... HaHa...Ha.. This craving of protein happened just before I went into labor with Cera. I knew, I would go into labor within a few days.
During lunch with my parents I started to have contractions. I figured braxton hicks contractions, not the real contractions. My parents became a little suspicious of the on going contractions. We went back to my house after lunch. Kids came home from school. My parents hung out with us, while I continued to have contractions.
My project of the flower pots, dawned on me! I didn't want to waste money spent on flowers. My parents and kids got trapped into my project! It became kinda comical as I would have contractions and try... to help plant the flowers in the pots. My Dad kept the project going and told the girls, "when your mother has an idea in her head she won't stop till it is done". Thanks Dad it got done!!!
Around 5 pm my husband came home from work. With contractions still continuing, my parents felt it was ok to leave now with Paul home. Like most women, I don't like to head up to Labor/delivery and be told my body is not ready and return home. I thought I would lay down and see if the contractions would stop. And....No, contractions continued with irregularity and getting closer. Around 730, Paul had to go get Maddy from dance. While he was gone he had Cera write down the times I was having contractions while he was gone.... She was excited to have the responsibility to watch me in pain..HAHAHA... She was on top of writing down the times of contractions that where any where from 3- 9 min apart. After awhile she got quiet and fell asleep.... and Paul was only gone 45 min!!!
As the evening rolled by Paul and the girls talked me into packing my hospital bag. As it past 10 pm, Paul was adamant that it was time to head to the hospital. To be honest I was in some denial of it was time to have our newest addition. I had a heart full of fear and a heart that has been mending. I was scared and worried about bonding with this new baby boy. Part of my heart was trying to protect the broken part of my heart from losing AJ. So many mixed emotions and the fear of losing another baby were hitting me!!! I finally gave in and went to the hospital.... I was not sent home ...I was admitted to have our new arrival!!!!
And ...as I laid in the hospital bed my anxious heart had a sense of calmness and relaxed. I knew my heart was ready for this baby boy to bring Joy to my/our broken hearts. At that moment I didn't realize that the sense of calmness had been bestowed upon me by a our Heavenly Angel that watches over us. I had dreamed and wanted to feel AJ close during this moment when he was sending his little brother to us. I believe and feel AJ helping me to feel calm and focus on bonding with his brother was his way to be there for me. No matter how close but so far apart apart Heaven and Earth are, I know AJ is closer than we know.
At the moment as I heard our sweet brand new baby cry, All I could do is cry. My tears were of many feelings and emotions. This is hard to describe, yet my tears flowed as I was handed this brand new sweet baby. To hold a baby again.... my/our baby. I whispered many times to this little baby, "Stay with us, please don't leave us".
The 2 closest ways to be near to Heaven, holding a baby just sent from heaven and being at the Temple.
We had troubles naming this little boy. It took several hours for Paul and I to agree on a name. This sweet little boy was finally named ....Colt Thomas Robison!!!