I am dedicating this to my wonderful husband, my 4 beautiful daughters and my heavenly son "AJ" and also our newest addition Colt. This is a place for me to share my/our journey. I am a wife, a working mom, and a grieving parent.
I should of posted on this weeks ago!!! But for some reason kept getting distracted from it.
I have a new found interest in sharing our family's story and journey through our healing of Grief. I'm wanting to Share that there is "JOY beyond GRIEF"!!!! Back in June, I had an opportunity to start networking with other Bloggers. It was an amazing evening I spent at KSL. I went with a friend of mine, Nicole Carpenter. Her Blog/Website is http://www.momentity.com/ . She has a wonderful idea she is promoting for moms.
This night was filled with:
Meeting the KSL news staff. Which by the way they are wonderful men and women!!!
Nadine Wimmer was great she was so sweet!
Doing a Mock News segment. Click here to see it http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Sy3lFjL3hTc&feature=plcp . Nicole did amazing...I'm not so the natural on TV. IT was fun to see behind the scenes, to see how it all comes together. Not as easy as it looks! Had fun tho...At least I can chuckle about it.
A brief moment on The KSL radio show "Night Side Project"
Meeting wonderful women that are amazing in what they want to share, teach and inspire to others!!!
To be TOTALLY honest......This was one of the Funnest nights!!! What an opportunity!
I got a door prize of a flower arrangement!!! it smelled wonderful!! I used the idea of the original arraignment and made a new one that would last forever and to remind me of the wonderful evening I had!!
This is the one I received.
This is the arrangement I recreated
While there that evening 2 cute gals from KABOOBAGS were there. Their Bag/Purse is the cutest product ever. I just loved it!!! I LOVED it so much I actually....Ordered one for my B-day that is in September. It is still sitting in the box waiting for my day ( I know silly me). But I found an awesome deal could not pass it up!!!! The idea is that Paul (my husband) can give it to me for my B-Day with a Tablet in it....(Sometimes you need to assist in gifts to get what you want).... The icing on the cake is...I got a second Kaboo Bag; I got coupon that night and gave it to my mom to order me another bag for my B-day!!! AND...That box also sits unopened till my B-Day!!!!Click her to see the Amazing bags that can organize your life!!! http://www.kaboobags.com/
I dream someday to be able to do public speaking to help other women and families find "JOY beyond GRIEF". One day...One experience at a time will get me there!!!! If we all can find the Joy in life even during and after the hard times, We all can be much happier!!!!
Thanks KSL for the Great night!!!
A few weeks ago Roma, Maddy and Anna were gone for a WHOLE week in St George. They spent the time there with their wonderful Aunt Tam, Uncle Dave and Cousins!!! The Girls are so lucky to spend time with extended family that is so wonderful. They got to do Crafts and all sorts of fun.
While they were gone Cera missed her sisters immensely!!! Paul and I enjoyed the quiet house. But...I honestly missed my girls!!! Each one of them bring there own special light or noise to our family. - I wonder what AJ's earthly imprint everyday would of been.
Paul and I drove down to St George to get the girls. It was a enjoyable ride down with just one little Girl in the back seat of the van. Cera I think enjoyed the ride of no sisters controlling the choice of movie to play. When we got to Tam and Dave's house, the 3 older sisters were so excited to see their little sister and Cera had the same excitement. I am not sure who missed who more...
The next day Tam and Dave took us all out to the lake for fun in the Sun!!!
Roma did great boarding...Maddy even did also not pictured.
This is ME!!! The 1st time I have EVER tried water skiing!!! I didn't do so well...But I tried!!!!
ROMA, MADDY, ANNA AND CERA HAVING fun!!!
It took a little while but Cera finally got in!!
They of coarse had a rip roaring time!!!
Every chance Anna had she would jump in she apparently loves being in the lake!!!
In contrast to the ride to St George...The ride back was the longest drive ever!!! Bickering, Whining and Fighting girls!!! They all were back together!!! But the 2 biggest dilemmas on the way back were
1. A throwing up girl (only once, thank goodness) 2. Paul and I both had sunburns from having FUN!!! (Paul's sunburn was greatly worse than mine)
In society we have question of social interaction that are just normal conversation starters. We meet strangers in our jobs, standing in line at store and meeting up with old friends.... Some questions are quick to answer then become a thought out process.......Certain questions effect you differently after life changing events happen....
What would be a normal social interaction question?
What do you do for a living?
How many children do you have
How are you ?
Are you married?
Where do your kids go to school?
Enjoying the weather today?
What kind of pet do you have?
In my job, I meet total strangers every day that we make conversation to pass time and to show kindness to one another. It is in my personality and my genetic make up to be outgoing and friendly to strangers. My kids always get embarrassed when I talk to random people at the store.
The question that has become a planned out, thought out process and picking and choosing whom to say what to is..... How many children do you have? I have heard many grieving parents regard this as a tough one!!!!
Here are my varied answers .......
I have 4 beautiful daughters, that keep me very busy. (I use this response when I am protecting myself for the moment, sometimes I don't want to open a can of worms)
I have 4 daughters and a angel son. ( I use this when I feel it is ok. Most times I feel it is an inspired moment to share)
I have 5 kids. ( just a generic answer)
What ever my response is my Angel AJ knows I love him and his sisters all the same!!!
Depending on my answer I get several responses....
Wow, only daughters!! No Boys??... I really hate this response!!! Then I say; I do have a son. He passed away. (Can of worms still opened) Then I get the sad look...
I either get an inspired moment that is shared between people and the bonus is that AJ is always there in my moments or... I get the sorrowful look of sadness that I comfort them.
Conversation continues and moves on...
As I have talked and listened to other grieving parents... It sounds like my responses may be about the same..... For those of you, who by chance talk to a grieving parent and ask that hard question. Admire their response and recognize their ANGEL child!!!!
If you are a grieving parent what responses do you have?
What are your difficult questions regarding your Angel?
Well....things on the Bucket list are getting checked off. Here is a quick catch up of some things we have done recently. We went to the Salt Lake Aquarium. We had a nice time exploring and learning about all sorts of water creatures near and far away. I think the girls had fun learning and seeing fan water creatures.
Afterwards we went to the store Orson Gygi. Paul and I both share in the Joy of cooking and spending time in the kitchen. I love that I can spend quality time with my husband.
This is when We did the "mentoes and Coke" explosion. How entertaining they all are!!!
AND..... HERE IT GOES!!!!
Another day we went to Dinosaur Park in Ogden, Ut. Cera was sooo....Excited. She even said we were the best parents ever, because we were there!!!!
But Cera's excitement soon turned to being scared... The Dinosaurs that were loud started to scare her...She told us she didn't like the dinosaurs with speakers...Oh Cera!!!
I thought she would like seeing the TRI"CERA"TOP
Cera started to relax and have fun digging for Dino bones.
Cera once again started to get scared again!!! Silly little girl. She said "I don't like the fake dinosaurs".
Another fun day...But we always miss Roma when she is working and misses out on adventures
An idea we had to make a HOT July day was....we had WINTER IN JULY!!!!
Shaving cream and lots of bubbles are always lots of fun!!!!
After playing around we made smores!!!
I so enjoy seeing my family have fun and enjoy LIFE!!
A few weeks ago we went and saw the movie "Brave". It was great, I Loved it!!
The main character Miraada showed great strength, courage and Love of family. She showed the essence of her Joy of life. At the end she stated "Our fate is with in us, we have to be brave enough to find it". How true it is!!! Our fate is with in us and before us. It is our choice to fnd it. We never know what is before us till we are upon it.
Over the years I have gone through several losses. Majority of the losses have been and can be refilled, but the only one Loss that can not be refilled is the Loss of a Child.
I have spoken with other grieving parents. The one statement that has been hurtful and not understood is hearing; " just get over it". A parent never gets over it!!! A grieving parent learns to live with the loss and the sorrow the best they can. If you are reading this wondering what to do for a a grieving parent... talk about their child and listen to them. Support them by being patient, caring and loving.
I am personally in debt to those whom have come to me in my time of need. Those who have come to help be "Glue" in moments when my heart needed the extra help. Those individuals have become the ones that have made a special closeness with me and have wanted to Share in our Journey of JOY beyond Grief.
We are always asked to count our many blessings... Instead, I like to think Count my many Joys!!!
I often like to make lists. Lists help me stay focused and try to be productive. I have more breaking moments when I am not focused. Staying focused on my JOYS and Seeing what brings me JOY pulls me through everyday.
Here is an example of my list of JOYS
ALL my Children
A cool breeze and sunshine
Clean dishes...Well a clean house is even better
A cold drink
The Little things are not overlooked, Joy can be found in the simplest ways.
By going through Grief/Sorrow we suffer through the opposite of JOY. By living through the sorrow we can truly see and cherish JOY in our life. I hope that now I/my family can recognize JOY more fully, by going through sadness.
Those whom travel the road of Loss/Grief in any perspective, Learn to have a new out look on life.
A loss can be: Death of a loved one
Loss of a marriage/Divorce
Loss of a Job
Loss of Friendships
After these losses we learn to cherish and find JOY if we choose to. I want to embrace JOY and teach my children JOY!! I know within my heart my sweet "Angel AJ" wants us to be happy and enjoy life.
If you have taken the time to read this....Make your own list of JOYS!!!!
As a parent that has had a child pass away..... I have been told it is a life long process of grieving at different levels.... I do Agree so far!!!
At the beginning of my journey, I was told many comments from others who are already in the journey...
Sorrow gets easier with time.
In time it will be more bearable
Notice the pattern....TIME!
This process I/We are on is a Journey.... This Journey is what I/We choose to make it!!!
I find in this Journey it is important to value moments.... I still feel moments of over whelming grief/sorrow. I miss my son greatly!! I break down and Cry and it is OKAY!!! Those pent up feelings have to come out. Most times I am alone when it happens. For example: Driving home from a dear friends open house regarding her son whom passed away, I broke down in tears. The drive was quiet as I contemplated the sorrow a parent has. All of a sudden, I felt overwhelming sorrow!! The tears welled up in my eyes and all I could do is say out loud "AJ I miss you and Love you" over and over!!!
These moments in the beginning of my journey were longer and draining.
Overtime these moments have become shorter and refreshing!!!!