Saturday, April 28, 2012

April 27....

Yesterday... April 27 was just  NOT another day in the year and will never be just a another day to us.  It is a sacred day.  A year ago my family and those near and close to us, our lives were changed forever!!!  My/Our son passed away to SIDS. Every parents nightmare was my/our reality!!!  My/Our heart broke.  We had our son Acea Jack "AJ" here with us for 2 months and 27 wonderful days!!!  Every moment my heart aches and longs for him.  He brought me, my husband and his sisters JOY!!!


A year ago...I walked into my nightmare.

Remembering back a year ago, it is a blurr. Such anguish, pain and heartache.  Instead of finishing planning AJ's baby blessing at church, We had to plan his funeral services. I hated doing that process last year.  I felt inspiration at one point that AJ wanted his small life shared big. All of a sudden thoughts were pouring out of me of how AJ enjoyed his time and what he did.  We made note cards stating all these thoughts...His earthly memories were shared. 

       From that moment of losing my/our little AJ...We have been taught so many lessons of Eternal Families, Faith, Joy, Love, Service, Christ's greatest gift of the Atonement and many more....

      This year we spent this sacred day by Paul and I spending time at the Temple for the morning, Paul and I hung out together, we went to the cemetery to send balloons to AJ to play with, we ate doughnut "Halos", had family pictures taken and had dinner as a family.  


 Only another grieving parent can understand this lifelong heartache....
I tell people, "my heart is being stitched back together. My heart will always have a scar on it". 
  Thank you to friends and family; that have called, brought meals over, Listened and cried with me/us, and being there when not even asked.

Sunday, April 22, 2012

Another busy week Gone and Another coming...

Last week was Busy and had Possibilities of Drama.... This next week is Busy and Can Be Emotional!

Last week....
        Maddy practiced, practiced and practiced!!! She wanted to try out for cheerleading. She didn't make it...but I am so proud of her for trying!!! She is a Brave, Strong and Talented young lady. She is an example of Hard Work and Patience. I am so impressed of how she balances her life.
         Roma yesterday took a big risk and went out on a Blind date!!! Not only her taking a risk her date did also.  I'm so proud of her to take that risk and enjoy her time at Prom!!! Roma is a Beautiful, Hardworking and Goal/Dream driven individual!!!  She has provided an example to her sisters in many ways!!!
         I LOVE YOU BOTH so Much!!!!  I wanted to take a moment to remind you both how wonderful you both are.

This next week....
         A busy week of distractions can be good and interfere with a process of grieving.  As I hit this week running, we have extra dance practices for 3 girls for a dance competition on Saturday and my sweet angel sons, "Angel Day" this week.  An "Angel Day" is a kinder way to state the day he passed away for those who don't know the term.  So many thoughts and feelings of grief, sorrow, heartache, lost dreams, I could go on and on but those terms bring me such negative feelings. The thoughts that have brought me more positive feelings through this last year are; JOY, HOPE, FAITH, COMFORT, PEACE, PATIENCE, ENDURING.  These are only a few terms/words to describe my "Healing Thoughts". Some how I want to find the time to write down my " Healing Thoughts". I hope by writing down  "Healing Thoughts" Will help me and help other grieving moms and families. I pray that my trial has and will always help me grow spiritually and leave me wanting to be a better Mother, Wife, and Friend. 
         What I am needing this week is finding COMFORT and JOY!!! In the Scripture Romans 15:4 ..."that we through patience and comfort of the scriptures might have hope".  I need to heed and hold closer to that. I find over the last year I find such comfort to answers in my heart/soul by searching for answers in the scriptures.  I need to listen more to the quiet moments to when the Holy Ghost is guiding me and giving me that personal revelation. In those moments that I listen write down to remember what I am being inspired and taught. I know my Heavenly Father loves me and doesn't want me to hurt. He wants me to find JOY and PEACE!!!  In John 16:20... "and ye shall be sorrowful, but your sorrow shall be turned into Joy" and in John16:22 "And ye now therefore have sorrow: but I will see you again, and your heart shall rejoice, and your joy no man taketh from you."  We are meant to have SORROW and JOY!!! It is our choice how we will handle any trial and what we do with it!!!!
             I/We all need to find what brings us JOY!!!  Sorrow takes to much time, energy and pain. JOY and COMFORT will bring balance in the Grieving process or trials.

Wednesday, April 18, 2012

Disneyland and .....

     Well we lived through it but, we are very exhausted!!! Paul and I willingly and Joyfully took the 4 Girls  to California for Spring Break. Here is how it played out....
  Day 1:  We choose to start our drive to California on a Tuesday afternoon/evening after work. We had a goal to make it to St George that night. We planned to stay at my Sis in law Tam's house.  The mini-van was packed ever so organized and carefully.  Snacks, entertainment and anything we might need packed in small/med clear plastic bins....( i know I sound Crazy, yet experienced).  Movies packed for endless entertainment. I remember many trips growing up wishing for that convience to entertain my siblings and I on many of our long trips either to Oklahoma or Utah growing up.
              We left just after 6 pm.  Our drive started out with the LONGEST intersection light!!!! We all said "Should've gone the other way". Oh-well... We were off with a family prayer and happy kiddos of every age with anticipation of an adventure.  We did make it to St. George after11pm.
     Day 2:  Thank you to Tam and Dave's family!!! They are wonderful hosts. We got up and aimed to be gone by 8am....Did not work. Try getting 4 Girls out the door and 2 of those teens.  We drove Through LasVegas and onward to California. We had hoped the drive would only be 5-6 hours. But we got caught in construction delays!!!
               Finally we made it to our Hotel!!!  We were happy with our room. We unpacked...waited for the next shuttle to Disneyland from our hotel!!!  We were off, for our 1st day out of 3 days at Disneyland. We hit the crowds with excitement.  Cinderella's Castle stood there pulling the girls toward it.  When Cera walked in the Castle doors, she had a look of disappointment. She realized it was not a real castle!!! Poor little girl had hoped to see what the moves show in castles.  We walked around getting our bearings and catching a rides.  We bounced/hopped back and forth from Disney and California Adventure.  Anna, Cera and I enjoyed wandering Bugs World and Monster Inc ride.  Paul, Roma and Maddy got to take a peek of the fireworks as they rode the Hollywood Hotel Terror ride.  What a START to our Adventure. We all went back to the hotel tired and a plan for the next day.
  Day 3:  We got up VERY early!!! Kids up and going again and faster then they did the day before. We got already and went down to the hotel breakfast buffet.... The kids were happy for french toast.  After breakfast we took off for Sea World!!!  The only one not happy about going to Sea World was Cera. She wanted to go back to Disneyland!!! Poor Cera, We had to promise her the first thing the next day at Disneyland would be seeing the princesses. We packed up snacks and sunscreen.  We drove down to San Diego.   We enjoyed the scenic drive but not the traffic.  On a personal note; I love Sea World  and I was excited!!!  We found our way to Sea World.  Just after we walked in the gates we were told the Shamu Show was starting.  We caught the show as a great start to our day.  What wonderful creatures we saw with great talent. 

After seeing the Shamu show went went over to the the dolphins. The sea loins show was a great comedy, Anna describes it like that. FYI...Anna someday should be a critic.  The girls had an opportunity to feed the dolphins.  We walked over to another area where we all got to touch starfish. 
We rode a sky ride that went out over the ocean, saw penguins and turtles, walked under the sharks.  The girls rode a few more rides.

While Paul, Roma, Maddy and Anna went on big rides, I took Cera to the Sesame street area.  Cera loved seeing Elmo and riding the Sesame Street rides. To finish up sea world, Paul and the 3 older girls went to go on the water ride "Journey to Atlantis". Cera fell asleep worn out from the excitement and fun. So, I waited with Cera on a bench. While waiting I saw Adam Sandler there with his family...LOL...He was trying to lead a normal life. I was surprised people were only watching him and not attacking him with attention.  Even tho we packed up the sunscreen, we forgot to put it on. So...the sun crispness started!!!
               The Girls all wanted to go see the beach close up. So we drove out  to Coronado Island.  The bridge over to the island was amazing!!  We got ice cream and walked out to the beach.  Poor Cera was shivering eating her ice cream and Roma was wanting pictures of her on the beach.  Anna and Cera looked for some bits and pieces of shells. Maddy and Paul entertained Roma's desire of wanting pictures taken.

Off we went to our hotel with the sea side on our minds. We went to bed awaiting for another early morning with Disneyland as the destination for the next day.

Day 4:  We enjoyed breakfast and waited for the shuttle to Disneyland. As we waited every time for the shuttle, Cera would shows how magic would open the front doors to the hotel...Silly little girl. She is always our entertainment.  Our 1st goal was to go see the Princesses!!!  And...I don't know which one of the girls were more excited to see the princesses.  As the day went on many rides were rode, many steps were taken and many smiles were seen. Every time I saw Anna smile out of pure happiness and enjoyment it made the trip all worth it!!  As a parent we enjoy seeing our children being happy and it makes no matter how much we spent worth it!! 
              As the night pressed on the 2 younger girls got tired and Paul took them back to the hotel. I stayed with Roma and Maddy to ride more rides and go see the "festival of colors" show. What a wonderful sight of colors. 

Day 5:  Last day of Disneyland!!!   More rides and More rides!!! I/We loved Indiana Jones ride. Cera loved going on the rides that told a story. Anna loved going on the Screaming roller coaster.  Maddy and Roma loved the thrill of the rides and enjoyed their younger sisters on the rides. We enjoyed watching the Muppet's 3D show and quickly after that Cera drug her sisters to her favorite ride "Monster Inc".  My favorite family ride that we did together was Splash Mountain. The laughter we had was great on that ride.
             We learned quickly on the trip that Cera needed to be 40" to ride most rides at Disneyland. She is 39" without shoes, With shoes she is 40" about... So we told/taught her to "think tall".   As we would walk up to rides we would all tell her "think tall".  She would!!! This phrase became our family entertainment.

             Once again the 2 younger sisters wore out. All they wanted to do was go swimming at the hotel.  So Paul left with them to take them to the pool. I stayed with Roma and Maddy. They wanted to see the fireworks.  Roma and her dream was a reality watching the fireworks above the castle with Tinkerbell flying around!!! Maddy and I watched Roma and the fireworks.

Day 6:  Universal Studios was another adventure... Lots more walking. We enjoyed seeing the back lots and the 3D King Kong show. Not enough time to get through the crowds. The Jurassic Park ride was lots of fun!!  Paul, Rom and Maddy rode the Mummy ride and Cera loved getting wet in Curious George water area. The 3D movie of Shrek was entertaining.

     We stayed a little longer than planned at Universal...But we were off again!!! We started our trip homeward.  The girls watched movies while Paul and I took turns driving. We made it to Las Vegas late that night.

Day 7:  We had a lazy morning start and headed home to Layton. Always nice to be home.
But...I think Paul and I need a vacation from the vacation. We came home Tired!! Hearing the sincire "Thank You's" must of meant the trip was a success, I think!!!!