tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-44702100358441693372024-03-04T23:29:50.508-08:00Heavenly Joy in Our JourneyI am dedicating this to my wonderful husband, my 4 beautiful daughters and my heavenly son "AJ" and also our newest addition Colt. This is a place for me to share my/our journey. I am a wife, a working mom, and a grieving parent.July Robisonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03947770578573892734noreply@blogger.comBlogger79125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4470210035844169337.post-58747986949463019882020-04-26T22:03:00.000-07:002020-04-26T22:03:33.132-07:009 years have passed..... long time... that I haven't typed and shared.<br />
But as we realize another year gone by. Years are marked by many as the New Year on January 1st, a birthday or a major event that is life alternating.<br />
This year and every year moving forward since April 27, 2011 our marking event we have reached is 9 yrs since our sweet baby boy AJ was in our arms. I warn and admit freely to many I have moments of heartache from his Birthday on January 31 till his Angel Day on April 27..... this season is coming to a close and I can feel a little freedom from my stitched broken heart to move on with the year. It becomes a little brighter in my heart.<br />
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As it hits this year due to a lot of isolation due to Covid-19 virus concerns. I have felt a bit more alone in my grief and stressed due to day to day changes. Over the years we have tried to find ways to share our love for AJ, but I often left myself open for disappointment with lack of support diminishing over the years. As years pass we have found ways to celebrate and speak his name together as a family. I cherish the quiet Heavenly moments that whisper to me that we are not alone in this. I know we have our own personal angel that watches over our whole family. As years pass I wonder if I am doing the right or wrong thing when we remember our sweet baby gone too soon. This year we plan to be together as a family at home ... go to cemetery.... just move through the day of emotions that remind me of the worst day of my life as a mother that followed the most heart wrenching moments for a long time.<br />
I know in this Journey of Grief, Joy cometh in the morning, as a wake in the morning I can feel the warmth of the sun and choose to find Joy every day.<br />
I will choose to find beautiful Joyful flowers tomorrow and maybe into the next day<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Our AJ Memory Place</td></tr>
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This might have been short, Sometimes hard to find the words and easier to share a little bit of my mama heart 💓July Robisonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03947770578573892734noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4470210035844169337.post-6812641385675497792015-10-10T21:11:00.000-07:002015-10-10T21:11:49.297-07:00Guest Blogger: My Husband <span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Occasionally blogs have guest writers.... So here is a first</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">My Husband </span><br />
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This is a great opportunity to share. I know July is the one that usually writes
here. I have made a big change in my
journey. I have stared back to school. I am attending BYU-Idaho. This is an online course with once a week
meeting or gatherings. <o:p></o:p></div>
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July is supporting me in this. What a wonderful way to become closer
together. She is letting me post on her
blog so I can complete one of my assignments of sharing the gospel of Jesus
Christ through media. <o:p></o:p></div>
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What I find is our family means more to me than almost anything
else. And as you read what she has posted already family means a lot to her as
well. I have had many trials in my
life. Nothing compares to the loss of
our son AJ. I know that remembering him
is important. I know that one day we will
be able to see him again. Until that
time comes I have the rest of my family to help me cope with everyday
life. <o:p></o:p></div>
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Every year July makes time for family pictures. Sometimes it’s harder than others to have the
children be cooperative for the pictures.
She puts in much effort to make our family remember how we have
grown. Our yearly pictures always have a piece of AJ symbolized. Our AJ bear always has a place in the picture Who would have thought
that a child could have this big of an impact on our lives.<o:p></o:p></div>
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Paul</div>
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July Robisonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03947770578573892734noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4470210035844169337.post-60886004896316650462015-05-18T21:40:00.000-07:002015-05-18T21:40:12.247-07:00Just Get through the day.... is really how it feels<div dir="ltr">
Our emotions as normal started to build up and accumulate as we anticipated April 27..... </div>
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April 27 is forever a day etched and frozen in time. The day before, Sunday we started to feel a aching heavy heart. We chose to stay home from church and lay low. We felt emotionally vulnerable. Honestly it is easier to hide our raw vulnerability of emotions. We just wanted to be home where we felt safe. We made breakfast, cleaned a little bit, went for a drive/adventure and relaxed ..... I also observed Paul looking through Aj's chest. This cedar chest made by Paul holds material memories and what we hold dear to our heart of our son gone to soon. Walking up behind him I could already feel his tears on his face as he shuffled through memories and what ifs.... <br />
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We went on a Drive/Adventure. We went up to see the trains and where the locomotives met and brought the east and west together. The Golden Spike historical monument. I guess what else do you do to distract yourself of your heavy emotions.... Get away into history and bore the kids.</div>
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April 27, 2015 was four years since Aj passed away. I unfortunately had to work while my sweet dear husband spent the day keeping busy on his own. I found I had to ignore every thought of what April 27 stood frozen in time as to me. If I was to survive the day without a red teary eyed face. I found that my grieving mama heart is often put aside to survive. When the moment came that I could escape work .... my body felt over run with emotion as a walked out to my car. A sense of relief that I could feel my emotions flood. My eyes, heart and mind started to drop. I finally reached my car in despair and tears asking God for the thousandth time in four years why us and why our Aj ??? </div>
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Later after work we drove out to Hooper cemetery to release balloons. We missed having Roma and Maddy with us this day. Anna and Cera have adjusted to our rituals and oddly and lovingly look forward to it. Colt with bright eyes of awe and excitement releases the balloons unknowingly to his older brother. </div>
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Phew.... we got through the day again.</div>
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<span style="color: blue;">**</span> I remind myself it is only one day. Joy is in every day and sometimes easier to find some days than others. I saw the Joy when the balloons were released in each Colt, Cera and Anna's face.<br />
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Colt was waving bye to the Balloons..... Or maybe waving at his big brother...<br />
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July Robisonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03947770578573892734noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4470210035844169337.post-44492267973801226582015-04-25T23:05:00.001-07:002015-04-25T23:05:43.778-07:00The Blur began.......A Blur.....Crazy what I remember from April 27,2011 ..... and what I don't,,,,,,<br />
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<img alt="Image result for a blurred memory" src="data:image/jpeg;base64,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" 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I remember the feeling of my heart breaking<br />
I remember certain faces<br />
I remember certain cries and words said<br />
I remember talking to someone outside my office<br />
I remember I was running late<br />
I remember planning dinner over the phone<br />
I remember holding my sons lifeless body<br />
I remember taking home a empty car seat<br />
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I remember so little... yet so much<br />
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I don't remember dropping off AJ that morning<br />
I don't remember....<br />
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What I wish I could remember.... AJ's face, his smile, his laugh, his warmth, his everything!!<br />
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What I miss everything!!!<br />
I miss .... seeing AJ grow and play<br />
I miss .... I miss so much<br />
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The days and weeks that followed that nightmare were the same.... a BLUR!!<br />
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I still say it to this day, I would do anything to have our precious AJ back in our home making memories. Instead our memories of him are frozen in time and we are making memories to keep his memory alive.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiH_lNo6pQ9XEzbwflTxizOvtW6oLlZgnytDkb_-YR006WlQIqu37MHE7EbZwh5yzcZRVgIcCWv6bnr1JPr_EkdQQqgkKi2aSWeVciUZj6HC6qTK3oqcswV0dh6QDw5J0sWm0GXN8Q-rLDI/s1600/196753_1765320367662_1078730754_1958396_89564_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiH_lNo6pQ9XEzbwflTxizOvtW6oLlZgnytDkb_-YR006WlQIqu37MHE7EbZwh5yzcZRVgIcCWv6bnr1JPr_EkdQQqgkKi2aSWeVciUZj6HC6qTK3oqcswV0dh6QDw5J0sWm0GXN8Q-rLDI/s1600/196753_1765320367662_1078730754_1958396_89564_n.jpg" height="255" width="320" /></a></div>
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Some of our favorite pics</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiOFecxMlinkBffyzntX-cc30e3fsZsuTb72f2S-E_Uq0L6QgAhF9xXI6MheKpOU-uxgBjrnD0NEMcS5Qr09iKWEWkgzRv6Fswzr8MIytlVhqjbl6canLTuYirhaFD_tmbDHN4i2Ubmpatf/s1600/189689_1766229950401_12630_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiOFecxMlinkBffyzntX-cc30e3fsZsuTb72f2S-E_Uq0L6QgAhF9xXI6MheKpOU-uxgBjrnD0NEMcS5Qr09iKWEWkgzRv6Fswzr8MIytlVhqjbl6canLTuYirhaFD_tmbDHN4i2Ubmpatf/s1600/189689_1766229950401_12630_n.jpg" height="213" width="320" /></a></div>
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Love and miss you beyond words can discribe</div>
July Robisonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03947770578573892734noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4470210035844169337.post-14917310628514649932015-01-22T22:17:00.002-08:002015-01-22T22:17:51.272-08:00Empty ArmsI wrote this sometime ago.... I wanted to share these brief words that I jotted down. Maybe a post, a phrase, a sentence might help another mother or another lost in grief know they are not alone.<br />
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I often remember back to the hours, days, weeks and months after AJ passed away regarding the raw emotions of such deep pain of child loss.... I remember how empty, light and cold my arms felt. This emptiness was traumatically instant. I went from weighted down arms full of warmth to brutal emptiness of nothing. The phrase "empty arms " is often used after infant/child loss. This phrase is true in the term of the emptiness, but the emptiness goes far deeper then a mother or fathers arms being empty. The emptiness is in our heart and in our daily lives is another form of the emptiness. Spiritually I have had to choose to fill the emptiness over time.<br />
My/our new life includes grief and finding joy to fill our heart. Grief and emptiness has not gone away, it is evolving on our road. <br />
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Holding Colt I have heavy, tired and warm arms again.... I love the warmth Colt brings. I never take Colt being in my arms for granted... he his a gift.<br />
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<img height="267" src="https://encrypted-tbn2.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcTZioM_uSiYuth3bs9BkqepklcHGO5Lb0oPHUt3V74QHT_JddVw" width="400" /><br />
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July Robisonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03947770578573892734noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4470210035844169337.post-27198645496194866122015-01-22T21:18:00.001-08:002015-01-22T21:26:11.115-08:00A Grieving Parents Mask<h2>
<span style="color: #0b5394; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large; font-weight: normal;"><i>It takes energy.</i></span></h2>
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<span style="color: #0b5394; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large; font-weight: normal;"><i>It takes practice.</i></span></h2>
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<span style="color: #0b5394; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large; font-weight: normal;"><i>It becomes an act.</i></span></h2>
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<span style="color: #0b5394; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large; font-weight: normal;"><i>It becomes a perfected art. </i></span></h2>
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<span style="color: #0b5394; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large; font-weight: normal;"><i>It became reality.</i></span></h2>
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<span style="color: #0b5394; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large; font-weight: normal;"><i>It became survival.</i></span></h2>
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<span style="color: #0b5394; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large; font-weight: normal;"><i>It takes tears of a broken heart.</i></span></h2>
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<span style="font-weight: normal;"><i><span style="color: #0b5394; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">The looks... quick hide the truth of a grieving</span><span style="color: #0b5394; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"> heart</span></i></span></h2>
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<span style="color: cyan; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large; font-weight: normal;"><i> </i></span></h2>
<a href="https://encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcQu53GClS9ISexsrLP4Qu_Ohq_gVzfay6igwprIqbO3-LlfpGCt" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="213" src="https://encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcQu53GClS9ISexsrLP4Qu_Ohq_gVzfay6igwprIqbO3-LlfpGCt" width="320" /></a><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-large;"><span style="font-weight: normal;">A mask is worn more frequent, but in time falls off. Comes on in times of need to hid my true face of a grieving parent.</span><span style="font-weight: normal;"> I often face this like any other parent that has faced the reality of losing a child. At first the raw emotions are seen and shared. As weeks pass along in emptiness, strength is found in crevices of light. Months roll over and a new existence is found. Existence and survival mend bits and pieces in place where they might fit back into. Years are reached and a mask has been designed. Designed to except and hid a new existence. </span></span></h2>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-large;"><span style="font-weight: normal;"> Relief is found in the listening and excepting ear. A grieving mask becomes lighter as it is set aside. Giving rest when it is so hard to be strong is an asset. Be patient to a grieving parent as they learn to design their mask. Hopefully a mask is less needed to ease the heaviness and pain. But ... yet available when needed. </span></span></h2>
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If I could put me in a cartoon this would be me!!!!</h2>
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July Robisonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03947770578573892734noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4470210035844169337.post-50356280743269957132015-01-04T22:06:00.002-08:002015-01-04T22:06:38.250-08:00Our little Sunbeam in Heaven<br />
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I try so hard to put away my grieving mom emotions....<br />
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The holidays came and went with lots of distractions of icky sickies. I even was so sick the week of Christmas. Alright ... the whole family was sick!!! not the best Christmas but we were together. Paul and I feel some guilt that we never made it out to the cemetery to honor AJ through the holidays. AJ was never far from our thoughts tho. As January creeps up and throws so many moments that we should be reaching and celebrating in AJ's life become hard. In Primary at church (our children's program at church) children advance in classes for the new year. AJ would be entering and having his first day in sunbeams. I would love to hear him singing the traditional primary song "<a href="http://www.lds.org/music/library/childrens-songbook/jesus-wants-me-for-a-sunbeam?lang=eng" target="_blank">Jesus wants me for a Sunbeam</a>" and coming home with what he colored in class!!!<br />
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AJ our little sunbeam watching us from Heaven. Someday we will see you again!!!<br />
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January is a hard emotional month for me... I remember 4 years ago feeling so happy leading up to AJ's birth. He was such an anticipation of JOY to our family! January has been changed since he passed away. Another birthday is coming... milestones that are missed have created such a void. Watching so many kids his age growing and reaching these milestones is hard.<br />
I know I am not alone in this, so many other grieving parents feel the same way.<br />
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Oh January, swiftly finish up and warm up our hearts.<br />
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<br />July Robisonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03947770578573892734noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4470210035844169337.post-6951741320722714912014-11-09T21:37:00.000-08:002014-11-09T21:37:12.258-08:00Breaking up the Fog<br />
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When I first started doing this blog to help myself, help other grieving parents and to shed some light to those that want to support those grieving. I felt clear in my thoughts at that time .... my clarity of expression has become clouded or filled with fog. I try to sit and type to express my thoughts, that have become jumbled and confused. My feelings don't come out clear or what I perceive as clear. In hopes to find clarity of my feelings that I once could see through the fog. I need to figure out when the clarity began to be foggy.<br />
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I noticed I lost myself by over-extending myself and losing myself... Between family, sleep derivation, work and going to school.... I put myself emotionally on a shelf. The fog became thicker. A few months ago I felt the build up. The thickness of the fog hid the grief my heart was trying to forget and hid from my own foresight of acknowledgement....<br />
<a href="http://manofdepravity.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/03/foggy-road1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="266" src="http://manofdepravity.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/03/foggy-road1.jpg" width="400" /></a><br />
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I was forced to acknowledge the reality before I totally lost it. I honestly know my aching heart of grief won't ever be forgotten. It was only being neglected!!!<br />
My breaking point of realization was when I broke down in a mess of tears that I didn't want to face. I kept hearing and seeing socially mothers crying to watch their 3 yr old going to preschool. Why cry...? These mothers are not missing watching their son growing up. They get to watch and cherish every milestone. I don't understand.... I would give anything to rejoice in AJ going to preschool this last year. After the tears broke through the fog I realized the reality of neglecting my own grieving heart.<br />
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Now learning again to find clarity in life and not to neglect my own grieving heart.<br />
The search is on to find a better way .... <br />
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What I know will work:<br />
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<li>Prayer</li>
<li>Scripture study</li>
<li>Finding Joy</li>
<li>Finding fun again</li>
<li>reorganize and relearn to plan </li>
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Next to make it start to work and not get lost in the FOG.</div>
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My grieving heart is important and deserves to be taken care of !! </div>
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I need to always remember LIGHT breaks up the FOG.... I need to let the light in.</div>
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Boy...Oh Boy... I hope this made some sense. If it didn't , I apologize for my "crazy grieving heart"<br />
I know here I go again....<br />
<br />July Robisonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03947770578573892734noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4470210035844169337.post-1589943377456372792014-09-27T22:52:00.003-07:002014-09-27T22:53:40.015-07:0040!!! Just another day to another year and decade<h2 style="text-align: center;">
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">I'm not in my 20'sanymore, okay that is far gone now. I'm not in my 30's either anymore, and those yearsslipped away. I guess I am now to say "HELLO" to the 40's!!!!</span></div>
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Here comes the bomb!!!</h2>
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I don't mind other people's birthday's. I LOVE to celebrate my children's birthdays, but not my own. Does any one else feel the same way???? The more I get told Happy Birthday the more my eyes well up and fill with tears. I wish I could find the JOY in my own birthday. I have noticed this to get worse over the years. NOT sure what happened. Did I create over some years unmet expectations, Did I feel I got forgotten, Did the meaning of birthdays change for me and bring heartache after AJ died..... I honestly don't know what happened to me? In my own confusion of sorting this out, I have 2 ways to handle or except September 28 every year..... 1. Wish the day could be skipped or 2. Celebrate the day with confidence and joy with friends and family. I hope that I can learn to embrace option 2. I feel bad that my children watch me not enjoy this day that I truley wish and want to enjoy. Let's give it another try, tommorow I can try. I have 8 min left to be 39!!!!!!!</div>
July Robisonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03947770578573892734noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4470210035844169337.post-64734507138240617362014-09-27T22:12:00.000-07:002014-09-27T22:12:10.819-07:00WOW!!! It has been a year.... And I need to be back Blogging!!!!!!!!!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I took note today that it has been a year since I last puplished on my blog. I have missed expressing myself and sharing on here. I originally wanted this blog to be a place to express my grieving process and share how our family finds JOY in life. I wanted others to know thay are not alone in this world of parental grief. Not sure if I ever made a differince to others, BUT it made a difference in me!!!</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"> So here I am saying!!! I am back to express myself and share, even if it is only helping myself it has proven to be benifical as a positive effect and worth while.</span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj00Qy0kUy2ZmLuMD-5IBvwGHlPuoLEVpnOHrlrxpiSKxGuRFwbjyHsG4mE9rrBG4Lm6v5gjyMNl60K9V5NtxJntcpB9t6gUgVQNHxbph_jcdSF1IiBkP2j-3YwRszh4QeIH5w-dbxlo4YC/s1600/DSC_4890.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj00Qy0kUy2ZmLuMD-5IBvwGHlPuoLEVpnOHrlrxpiSKxGuRFwbjyHsG4mE9rrBG4Lm6v5gjyMNl60K9V5NtxJntcpB9t6gUgVQNHxbph_jcdSF1IiBkP2j-3YwRszh4QeIH5w-dbxlo4YC/s1600/DSC_4890.jpg" height="320" width="213" /></a><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Since my last post... So many things have happend and changed. Luckliy most all wonderful!! In a short summary; School for me and the girls, Work, Kids all growing, Holidays passed by in every form, and we bought a house and moved. Life is in full speed and NEEDS to slow down!!!!!!!!!</span><br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgjmLYMrAWbPpzgOyW-oeU_XNckP0gZi8wgM3jSmlBwWDI29usZMAhXKfypG7SfBzQahuY8UBjIrmOoispNLc6SzYmgJMDplv4EmxK1ZwYBULf058bg4uTC-NbuROj2Jn331AnR4HI_emYt/s1600/DSC_5125+copy.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgjmLYMrAWbPpzgOyW-oeU_XNckP0gZi8wgM3jSmlBwWDI29usZMAhXKfypG7SfBzQahuY8UBjIrmOoispNLc6SzYmgJMDplv4EmxK1ZwYBULf058bg4uTC-NbuROj2Jn331AnR4HI_emYt/s1600/DSC_5125+copy.jpg" height="320" width="213" /></a><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Oh and By the Way I absolutly without any doubt LOVE my amazing Husband and Children all 6 of them!!!</span>July Robisonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03947770578573892734noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4470210035844169337.post-13404956387381965882013-09-27T23:08:00.002-07:002013-09-27T23:08:33.856-07:00My Beautiful Heartbreak We all suffer hardship/heartaches of some kind or other. When AJ passed away I had NEVER felt such hear ache. I learned very quickly that my sorrow could consume my minutes...hours....days...I remember seeing babies after AJ passed and being so jealous, angry, sad and confused of "why me/us". My thoughts would fester on what AJ should of been doing. It became my choice to allow myself to fall into the pits of wallowing in my heartache. I had days that I let my heart ache eat at my very soul. I would think constantly of AJ and my personal heartache of pain. It took distractions, love and finding Joy in life again that helped me see the road I was placed on. This road has become my/our personal experience. I had to learn to embrace my heartache. My heartache, just like anyone's is a personal experience.<br />
Learning to see that my road is different yet the same to many, it is my personal road... MY EXPERIENCES.... MY HEARTBREAK.... MORE THAN THAT MY BEAUTIFUL HEARTBREAK!!!!<br />
My heartache is beautiful in many ways.... The beauty is brought and manifested through AJ and also Christ's Atonement.<br />
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Soon after AJ passed I heard a song <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xyX-I-um5Kk" target="_blank">Beautiful Heartbreak, By Hillary Weeks.</a> This song hit it right on how I was wanting to feel. This song helped me to see how beautiful each and every heartache is that we face. BUT!!!! it is our personal choice to push through to find the joy in the heartache. <br />
Thank you for such a Beautiful song!!<br />
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I know... I am not the same person before AJ...I am a different and hopefully changed for the better due to my BEAUTIFUL HEARTBREAK. <br />
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<u><span style="color: #38761d;">Lyrics to Beautiful Heartbreak:</span></u> </div>
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I had it all mapped out in front of me,<br />
Knew just where I wanted to go;<br />
But life decided to change my plans,<br />
And I found a mountain in the middle of my road.<br />
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I knew there was no way over it,<br />
So I searched for a way around;<br />
Brokenhearted I started climbin',<br />
And at the top I found...<br />
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Every fear, every doubt,<br />
All the pain I went through;<br />
Was the price that I paid to see this view;<br />
And now that I'm here I would never trade...<br />
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The grace that I feel,<br />
And the faith that I find;<br />
Through the bitter-sweet tears,<br />
And the sleepless nights;<br />
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I used to pray he'd take it all away,<br />
But instead it became a beautiful heartbreak.<br />
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I never dreamed my heart would make it,<br />
I thought about turning around;<br />
But heaven has shown me miracles,<br />
I never would have seen from the ground.<br />
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Now I take the rain with the sunshine,<br />
Cause there's one thing that I know;<br />
He picks up the pieces,<br />
Along each broken road.<br />
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Every fear, every doubt,<br />
All the pain I went through;<br />
Was the price that I paid to see this view;<br />
And now that I'm here I would never trade...<br />
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The grace that I feel,<br />
And the faith that I find;<br />
Through the bitter-sweet tears,<br />
And the sleepless nights.<br />
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I used to pray he'd take it all away,<br />
But instead it became a beautiful heartbreak.<br />
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I would never trade...<br />
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The grace that I feel,<br />
And the faith that I find;<br />
Through the bitter-sweet tears,<br />
And the sleepless nights.<br />
<br />
I used to pray he'd take it all away,<br />
But instead it became a beautiful heartbreak.</div>
July Robisonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03947770578573892734noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4470210035844169337.post-83831625934723051932013-09-15T22:42:00.000-07:002013-09-15T22:42:15.392-07:00Dreaming of a Little Boy's Shadow<br />
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As I Sit, Type, Post and Share about our family... I miss posting all about AJ!!! I should have a little boy around here... He would be 2 years old. He should be getting into his big sisters stuff, pulling at his little brother, running away from us and playing in the dirt. I can only watch other little boys around AJ's age and only dream of what he would be doing.<br />
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In my dreams I see a little boy playing. As I see this little boy play it is like seeing a shadow moving and playing. My curiosity is brimming to know what AJ's face looks like as he grows.<br />
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The what "if's" and "should of's" are hard on a mother's/parents grieving heart. I can't even describe my aching heart some days and moments regarding how deeply I/we miss AJ.<br />
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<br />July Robisonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03947770578573892734noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4470210035844169337.post-58129208112365830012013-09-15T22:21:00.002-07:002013-09-15T22:21:30.825-07:00Colts Blessing Day<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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July 7, 2013 We celebrated an important day for our family.<br />
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We are members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter day Saints. A Baby Blessing is an opportunity that a baby has to receive a name and blessing during Sunday services. This day for us was to focus on Baby Colt and the gift he is to us from Heavenly Father. Months ago, before Colt was even born I had picked out a little tan linen pant/vest with a white shirt with blue pin stripes. This outfit even had a tan hat that matched. I couldn't imagine putting Colt in white that day as most have traditionally done. (Placing him in all white brought too many memories of AJ's funeral services).<br />
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COLT, was blessed to have a long life. Bring joy and happiness through the doors he walks through.<br />
That morning brought a strong spiritual presence to us of peace....AJ was felt very close. I believe that those that have passed will be spiritually present on special occasions.<br />
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We planned a brunch for after church with family. Colt was passed around and loved on by many.<br />
As usual I got busy with everyone and visiting is missed many photo opportunities.<br />
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Also that same day A close friend of our family blessed their baby girl the same day. How adorable these 2 babies are growing up together!!!!<br />
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On the other side of this joyful day.... we never got to have this joyful day with AJ, instead we had a funeral. AJ passed away the Wednesday before he would of had his blessing on that Sunday. It was hard to not make that memory with AJ. It was hard emotionally for me to plan and actually have Colts special day. Due to my fears and emotions.... we tried to keep the invite list small which is hard to do with our very large family.July Robisonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03947770578573892734noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4470210035844169337.post-6147884822787418612013-09-15T22:01:00.000-07:002013-09-15T22:01:17.947-07:00Summer fun...2013<br />
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Due to how my maternity leave played out, I was able to be home majority of the summer!! I was able to be home and enjoy 4 girls home and Colt. Roma came home from College for the Summer. She worked hard saving money for College. Maddy fell at Dance practice one night and broke her ankle. Cera and Anna enjoyed the Summer Fun And Baby Colt tagged along.<br />
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Our summer was filled of the usual summer fun!!!!<br />
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Dance.... Dance.... Dance!!!!!!!!!!!<br />
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Late nights... Creative Fun..... Done our Way!!!!!<br />
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Made Fairies in a jar. This left glitter every where... But entertained for an evening.<br />
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We grew a crystal garden, it was fun to watch for several weeks.<br />
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We did several other fun quick and easy projects: made big crayons, made a pet jelly fish and flubber, friendship bracelets and all the summer fun from camping.... going to Aunt Tam's to playing in the water...... Going to Lagoon 1 time (that is all I can handle...HaHA...) <br />
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Watching Colt grow and smile!!!!<br />
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No Summer is complete without watching fireworks several times!!!!<br />
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name="MaJfw4dSjBpkKM:" src="data:image/jpeg;base64,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" style="height: 134px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; width: 134px;" /> We/I are reaching another milestone..... Colt will be 2 months 27 days old tomorrow. This might not seem to be much to some parents, But...to us it is an age frozen in time. AJ passed away on April 27,2011 he was 2months 27 days old.<br />
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The "what if"..... I would of known AJ was to leave at 2 months 27 days <br />
I would of cuddled with him more <br />
Watched every movement he made<br />
Took more pictures<br />
Smelled and kissed his sweet head more<br />
Oh..so much more I dream I would of done if I had known a count down.<br />
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The other day I was sitting at work with an overwhelming feeling of missing both my boys while I was at work. This heart ache was so strong I had tears sitting at my desk. I had a hard time figuring out who I was missing more at the moment AJ or Colt. I knew in just a few hours I would be home with Colt.... and that I could only long to have heavenly moments of AJ in my heart and soul. Nothing Changes how my heart and soul aches to hold our AJ again. <br />
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Now in my head I have imagined a count down till tomorrow, We have made so many memories with Colt already!! Reaching tomorrow brings on a new thought process.<br />
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It is a normal thought process to compare siblings and their development and growth. We/I have been able to compare 2 brothers until now. Now we no longer can compare Colt to AJ. We will now see Colt have his own future without comparing. <br />
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We/I now will watch Colt in awe and wonder of what Colt and AJ would of done and how 2 brother could of been on earth. Past this milestone of 2 months 27 days will be a reminder to us what we missed with AJ on earth... But the future is wide open for Colt and all of us now on earth and heaven as an eternal family.<br />
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It has been hard to sort through these emotions. I was hoping by writing them down would help me sort through this milestone of 2 months 27 days. <br />
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Oh how we/I love these 2 special boys!!!<br />
<img alt="" class="rg_hi uh_hi" data-height="265" data-width="190" height="265" id="rg_hi" src="https://encrypted-tbn2.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcSb3tGaK-5Ihc3Kf45JYbnzjY8dl0pT6lKJf4U5giom1Qco25UjiA" style="height: 265px; width: 190px;" width="190" /> We have the top figurine of the 2 brothers. Someday I hope to find this one.July Robisonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03947770578573892734noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4470210035844169337.post-71435115122591620302013-07-23T18:05:00.005-07:002013-07-23T18:22:33.053-07:00 4th of July, 2013The 4th of July is always a busy day!!!! Here is a recap of our whirl wind day with baby Colt in tow.<br />
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The morning for many years has always started out with getting girls ready to dance at Layton City park with Touch of Class dance studio. Layton City Park is always out of control crowded with traditions of summer FUN!!!<br />
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After the dance performance was over we piled in the van with cold drinks for everyone. The hour drive to Heber City began to be with the Kemp side of the family for the afternoon. We all ate amazing summer food. Aunt Marie made her traditional scones for everyone to enjoy with honey. The all played in the water and played .<br />
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We headed back down to watch the Layton City fireworks!! Paul, Colt and Cera stayed at home away from the noisy crowd. Layton city did a great show that lit up the sky!!!<br />
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We wore out Colt for his first 4th of July!!!</div>
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The Girls had a fun filled day!!<br />
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July Robisonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03947770578573892734noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4470210035844169337.post-9598065658655533862013-07-23T17:33:00.001-07:002013-07-23T17:33:39.185-07:00Back to Work..... I went back to work since having Colt. He was 9weeks old at the time I went back. Going back to work always was a nerve racking step after having a baby. This is another step in our journey since loosing AJ and having Colt. There are so many steps that we/I have had to take the last few years. I wonder sometimes where these steps are getting us.... these steps are teaching me\us in ways I never expected.<br />
Remembering back to the worst days of my life when AJ passed away, I had a moment come back to me while I was driving to work. I remembered back to an instant that I was yelling out in pain and anguish that I would never take another infant to daycare. Many people and family were in my home at that time and heard my anguish and fear. In my plea and tears it became focused upon my parents to provide an answer or make me feel safe in my future. At that time my parents made a promise to my plea. As parents we always want to help our children and ease their pain. I could see my parents were grieving the loss of their grandson but also were saddened by my grieving heart. The last 2 plus years my parents have been there and supported me when they could.<br />
Little precious baby Colt at this time does not attend daycare at this time thanks to his Gamma and Papa Hurd (my Parents)...<br />
My parents retired nearby and have fofilled a promise that just over 2 years ago my anguished heart expressed a need for. I hope my parents enjoy Colts smiles, his sweet spirit and AJ close by watching over his little brother Colt. Thank you, Mom for the first morning of reassurance, of when you asked where the monitor was. I need to hear that you were just as committed to watch over Colt. No gratitude will ever show enough appreciation for how fortunate I am to have the parents I have. Thank you, Mom and Dad for setting my mind and heart at easy. Love you<br />
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No matter how old we are we need strength from our parents emotionally, spiritually and physically.</div>
July Robisonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03947770578573892734noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4470210035844169337.post-8226690777817382742013-07-23T17:08:00.001-07:002013-07-23T17:08:27.743-07:00As I look into Colts eyes....Friday July 12, 2013<br />
As I watch and hold Colt I feel as tho I am reliving moments with AJ and remembering AJ's brief time here on earth. Today I was cuddling Colt, it hit me how familiar the moment felt. Colt was swaddled and getting ready to fall asleep. I remember the sweet feeling I had felt when holding AJ. At this brief moment Colt's shape and weight was a flash back to holding AJ. As a parent you cherish holding, loving and cuddling your child. This starts from day one as a bond. When AJ passed away, my arms were empty in a flash!! My last memory of holding AJ was feeling his weighted little body just over 10lb that was no longer warm and snuggly. I miss holding and watching his growing earthly body.<br />
Colt is now 8 weeks old. I keep having thoughts of a count down for the next 4 weeks. AJ passed away to SUID/SIDS when he was 2 months 27 days old. Meaning.... In my mind I am remembering AJ's last few weeks... What did we do with AJ, his smile and his giggle. The girls getting toys to make him laugh and tickleing him. Our usual rushed schedule of dance and school, AJ rode along in his car seat smiling at his sisters. Thinking in my head of a countdown of sort has begun. This is hard to explain to someone who has not lost a child. Oh... how I miss AJ!!!<br />
I miss that Colt doesn't have his big brother here on earth to wrestle, play and learn from. If AJ was still here on earth he would be 2 1/2. Life would be much different for us running after a 2 1/2 yr old and taking care of a newborn, and ....keeping up with the 4 girls.<br />
I want to build, cherish and remember every moment with Colt. I'm grateful for having a second chance to remember memories of AJ.<br />
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<img height="200" src="http://www.timelessletters.net/QuoteArtOptions/files/stacks_image_90_1.png" style="cursor: move; height: auto; width: 100%;" unselectable="on" width="174" />July Robisonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03947770578573892734noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4470210035844169337.post-30403663914147613712013-06-17T20:52:00.001-07:002013-06-17T20:52:04.802-07:00Mornings and bath time....<div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Every morning Colt is so happy and interactive for over an hour or so. I love the mornings with him!!! I'm not the only one who does.... every one ends up on our bed watching, talking and trying to play with Colt. Colt will smile and look around. I am astonished at how happy he is. He will smile and have a happy countenance about him. One morning I tried capturing a picture of him smiling...I kept missing!!! He would smirk or smile and I would push the button on the camera and miss the smile. When Colt smiles he brings joy to my heart that has been mending. Watching him smile and have such Joy brings tears to my eyes of happiness and Joy!!</div>
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Bath time for the first time was fun!!! <br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgN8xZwub3g54vcF01N-3_b3GNN3c9VX9dj9vGhNTRa0N4YN45-w_BLQIjuBck_wxaYfmsYB7iiGMAeg3ct9TSIwUB_448ND3qnQ5vFS3X1BxQdbO3ZLmZ8_tM4QSYPlD6CV_2JsxYhL53A/s1600/DSCF6179.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; cssfloat: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" cya="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgN8xZwub3g54vcF01N-3_b3GNN3c9VX9dj9vGhNTRa0N4YN45-w_BLQIjuBck_wxaYfmsYB7iiGMAeg3ct9TSIwUB_448ND3qnQ5vFS3X1BxQdbO3ZLmZ8_tM4QSYPlD6CV_2JsxYhL53A/s1600/DSCF6179.JPG" height="150" width="200" /></a>He actually was really relaxed and then started to get cold and wanted out I think. Right before we got him out we captured a picture with his fist up ....we all laughed!!!</div>
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July Robisonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03947770578573892734noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4470210035844169337.post-23076639695036757752013-06-17T20:26:00.001-07:002013-06-17T20:26:26.225-07:00Fathers Day 2013 Fathers Day is a day just like Mothers Day.... It is more for the happiness and the opportunity for the child/children to show Love, Appreciation, Gratitude and adoration for their parent. In watching my own children on these days, they show more excitement to show their undying Love for the adults in their life. How pure a child's Love is shown!!<br />
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My wonderful husband married me and walked into an instant family several years ago. He embraced every moment and wanted the opportunity to be a father. He has been an amazing step-father to my daughters. The icing on the cake is that he has 2 sons now.... One son that will always be by his side spiritually and may have always been by his side and he not known it. A second son that will spend an earthly existence growing and playing by his side. I look forward to the day when I can see my sweet husband holding both of his son's.</div>
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I had walked downstairs, Paul was watching TV and cuddling with Colt. I saw him gently kiss Colts forehead. I was disappointed I missed such a precious moment with the camera. This was the best picture I could get of these two. </div>
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We made Fathers day packages for the grand-pa's and dad's. For other dad's we made a little cookie treat with a note.</div>
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July Robisonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03947770578573892734noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4470210035844169337.post-24310427130806762322013-06-16T23:09:00.001-07:002013-06-16T23:09:28.063-07:00Processing Anxiety and Fear.... The Only Way With PrayerI know doing certain things will bring back AJ memories and emotions of grief.... I know this will happen until Colt will pass the age when AJ passed away. And... at that point it will change to Colt is doing what AJ didn't have the opportunity to do.<br />
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For example right now... <br />
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<li> I have recently made Colts baby announcement and now in the process of getting them mailed out. This is hard due to the week before AJ passed away I was doing this. Only difference Colt is almost 5 weeks old and AJ was almost 8-10 weeks. I was told by some family members that they had just received AJ's baby announcement in the mail and then received a phone call regarding the tragedy of his passing. </li>
<li>I am now in the process of planning Colt's Baby Blessing and Naming that is done at church. We are planning this a little earlier than we planned AJ's. AJ passed away the Wednesday before his was planned at church. This was very hard for us to not have made this memory with AJ at church.</li>
<li>Planning DayCare arraingements... this will be a big step that will take baby steps emotionally.</li>
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Reliving memories stirs up memories of fear and anxiety. In my thought process the best option that gives me peace and comfort is to pray to my Heavenly Father that loves me and wants me to feel Joy; not fear and anxiety.</div>
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July Robisonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03947770578573892734noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4470210035844169337.post-83110673997061027092013-06-16T22:32:00.000-07:002013-06-16T22:32:10.375-07:00Colts Newborn Pictures !!!<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEif_rszGhyphenhyphenyvVlA6iBRbOJQbm7zsiBoJ3Hr1GGP3yhRVovIAaMy7Ce9aoS1YiJ2irD0p52ZaXvjEcsLdmBuDuUG74fqCUx0ZVu382QCTaO043uFhajdFmVTH8CxkAYmecJnyN4sd3tXne0J/s1600/IMG_8822.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; cssfloat: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" cya="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEif_rszGhyphenhyphenyvVlA6iBRbOJQbm7zsiBoJ3Hr1GGP3yhRVovIAaMy7Ce9aoS1YiJ2irD0p52ZaXvjEcsLdmBuDuUG74fqCUx0ZVu382QCTaO043uFhajdFmVTH8CxkAYmecJnyN4sd3tXne0J/s1600/IMG_8822.jpg" height="200" width="133" /></a> What a wonderful opportunity to spend time with Karina again.... She welcomed us into her home to take pictures of Colt. Maddy went with to watch the pictures get taken of Colt. It was another opportunity to build timeless memories. No words are enough that even come close to how cute, handsome, precious our little Colt is !!!!!!!! </div>
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I love the contrast of the Yellow Tonka Truck with the Blue Blanket<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEirOKEdvUUvlKZvvpOyga3e3GHsgA7LdIe81vK0HU9WCTgAdkYW5hrg1RtB2Kfqcc1vxKNQgcc8gp85o2-nk5L501ruJAdTabBQWIAr0l0OaTI2ri20gj5VzFvZqNFTnt2meG9JzkvZw6pr/s1600/IMG_8805.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; cssfloat: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" cya="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEirOKEdvUUvlKZvvpOyga3e3GHsgA7LdIe81vK0HU9WCTgAdkYW5hrg1RtB2Kfqcc1vxKNQgcc8gp85o2-nk5L501ruJAdTabBQWIAr0l0OaTI2ri20gj5VzFvZqNFTnt2meG9JzkvZw6pr/s1600/IMG_8805.jpg" height="320" width="213" /></a> </div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEirB80g3c92VHLiJitP1uvQ3s0JLOtp0NKjpaQKjmsH2eA16AvyS52oXeeu_YUga-QPkJrZnOrfhqIoh3u055MRwpGpXaQzTV1DjNiyUrB8H2ZIxYUoAyMqre0rcDCEEzRiOOaw1fAsIY1m/s1600/IMG_8859.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; cssfloat: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" cya="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEirB80g3c92VHLiJitP1uvQ3s0JLOtp0NKjpaQKjmsH2eA16AvyS52oXeeu_YUga-QPkJrZnOrfhqIoh3u055MRwpGpXaQzTV1DjNiyUrB8H2ZIxYUoAyMqre0rcDCEEzRiOOaw1fAsIY1m/s1600/IMG_8859.jpg" height="320" width="213" /></a>I treasure every moment and memory made. I fear loosing moments with my family and try to take in every moment more often. I cherish Colt's easy going personality at this point, His hair has what Cera calls "a swirl in the back and a V in front", His checks are so kissable, his little details make a memory all of his own to hold on to for a lifetime. What makes a bigger impression are the memories made when holding Colt and cuddling with him</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj9pJl6XcliFPYXoLOOWl3nSLf5ZH33WEkxywMleW-kO51bbownsJz4JDduPEnFCNk7eZMlU4aeXVxY36cT0yupKKoY74nnkVGtmj5H9uIEoiA3eR06p2laqoJkQ41KBGSHJBzFl-MKtMV9/s1600/IMG_8841.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; cssfloat: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" cya="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj9pJl6XcliFPYXoLOOWl3nSLf5ZH33WEkxywMleW-kO51bbownsJz4JDduPEnFCNk7eZMlU4aeXVxY36cT0yupKKoY74nnkVGtmj5H9uIEoiA3eR06p2laqoJkQ41KBGSHJBzFl-MKtMV9/s1600/IMG_8841.jpg" height="320" width="213" /></a>Joy is found in memories made and remembered.</div>
July Robisonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03947770578573892734noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4470210035844169337.post-28292505164352857222013-06-16T21:59:00.001-07:002013-06-16T21:59:46.213-07:00BROTHERS !!! I wanted to share how much AJ and Colt look alike!!! They are diffidently brothers!!!!<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjLsG0P7zD24O3o2ZnQ23Dy2ExTH5vlwSRPzgLtEQMNL9PhA7i4-phwNTB8ysarhW03Xh8C45ISuXTRLIq9aA_7-AEsmBuD_ksQxPyZfb39A5z5OUSGIsjcfdOFfX5H9YMcSHVZoomtwOjH/s1600/20130516_211104.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjLsG0P7zD24O3o2ZnQ23Dy2ExTH5vlwSRPzgLtEQMNL9PhA7i4-phwNTB8ysarhW03Xh8C45ISuXTRLIq9aA_7-AEsmBuD_ksQxPyZfb39A5z5OUSGIsjcfdOFfX5H9YMcSHVZoomtwOjH/s320/20130516_211104.jpg" height="240" width="320" /></a></div>
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No wonder Cera was confused at first.... they do look alike on day one.<br />
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I look at Colt everyday right now and have memories of AJ brought back to me from 2 years ago. I see features of the two that are similar. Just like any siblings have similarities, these two did from the start. Even at 4 weeks of age they still look like brothers, only difference.... Colt is a little chubby in the face and has his own look. I will forever wonder what AJ would have looked like as he would have matured and grown. Having Colt will give us a glimpse of that.<br />

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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">AJ about 4 weeks old</td></tr>
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LOVE OUR BOYS !!!</div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Colt almost 4 weeks </td></tr>
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I feel a mothers intuition is a gift .... I know in my heart and soul AJ and Colt will miss each other very much during this earthly existence until they meet up in heaven again. I feel very strongly that AJ is happy in heaven but watches over us through a thin veil from heaven. He misses us, but has a greater understanding of the bigger picture of our Heavenly Fathers plan and is waiting for us in heaven.</div>
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July Robisonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03947770578573892734noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4470210035844169337.post-3205526176072577322013-06-16T21:22:00.000-07:002013-06-16T21:22:40.705-07:00Maternity pictures, I know I little late....<div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;">
I was a little nervous about doing these.... I had almost backed out several times. When I was pregnant with AJ I had thought about doing maternity pictures, It became a fleeting thought. When he had past away, I had wished I had. It would have giving me just one more memory that I had built regarding AJ. I had several people encourage me to follow through with doing the pictures while I was pregnant with Colt. I followed through with with doing the pictures with encouragement and skepticism. </div>
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As time got closer to the scheduled time for pictures, I felt some reservation for several reasons. One... I have a hard time being the center of a picture looking larger than I normally appreciate even when not pregnant. Two..... I had worry about how I would bond with my unborn son. (that idea has been well overcome).</div>
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I was amazed how doing these pictures helped me feel closer to my unborn son and peak my excitement of him coming. The comfort I had leaving when finished was much different then when I had arrived!!! I left with comfort of Joy, peace and Love of a child that was having the same feeling about joining our earthly family.</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjzjQXZgLHIPjs4qM9WsUKln1XLSxLtdo4j3-IIjphN4NHPZbu8tVKN3WvV3bSInrFoe2H0FfTGu90-Hlk4bsjUwu68wRv-y6kNTYGMAYGPokN4jU38g3dcLaM79C5XbVL7qwZT8qjRUq0N/s1600/IMG_4785.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" cya="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjzjQXZgLHIPjs4qM9WsUKln1XLSxLtdo4j3-IIjphN4NHPZbu8tVKN3WvV3bSInrFoe2H0FfTGu90-Hlk4bsjUwu68wRv-y6kNTYGMAYGPokN4jU38g3dcLaM79C5XbVL7qwZT8qjRUq0N/s1600/IMG_4785.jpg" height="133" width="200" /></a></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgWiGfIyK5djxu0ZiRHPLqR_HxuqqFOxjN21IlE3Bopnwb8rBwxs6AIy6Mb-_kpkeWw5lEGZoq8-Y5_cJEAv62iA2VPV6I5204gG_YlxBB5KYrJOYo_7Hbv1LsE7wNgfPFFaD2iBBc9BEQo/s1600/IMG_4787.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; cssfloat: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" cya="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgWiGfIyK5djxu0ZiRHPLqR_HxuqqFOxjN21IlE3Bopnwb8rBwxs6AIy6Mb-_kpkeWw5lEGZoq8-Y5_cJEAv62iA2VPV6I5204gG_YlxBB5KYrJOYo_7Hbv1LsE7wNgfPFFaD2iBBc9BEQo/s1600/IMG_4787.jpg" height="320" width="213" /></a> </div>
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These Little white leather shoes were made by my dad many years ago for my daughters. AJ even wore them a time or two. I love these shoes!! </div>
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This bear is our AJ bear that was made in memory of AJ. This bear will forever be found in pictures of our family and is found in our home.<br />
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I would not have been able to have made this step of comfort before Colt came without you Karina..... Thank you Karina for taking these pictures, you are wonderful and full of love, support and understanding!!! </div>
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July Robisonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03947770578573892734noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4470210035844169337.post-17694721536368448252013-06-05T20:36:00.000-07:002013-06-05T20:36:33.799-07:00 Comments From Sisters....<div style="text-align: center;">
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Comments that 4 older sisters have said about Colt.....<br />
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<strong>Cera</strong>: " Is this AJ?"<br />
" I cant say Hulk (meaning Colt), how about we call him Jacob Nicholas"<br />
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<strong>Anna</strong>: "Can I hold him again, please?.."<br />
"Is he awake yet"<br />
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<strong>Maddy</strong>: " I cant get my homework done, Colt is very distracting"<br />
" He is... oh, so Cute"<br />
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<strong>Roma</strong>: " Hi Bubbers"<br />
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I can only imagine and dream how AJ would have been and acted around his little brother..... AJ would have been just over 2 years old.<br />
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I worried about how these 4 sisters would be having a baby in the home again. I was worried they would protect themselves and not get close to Colt.... But, no it has been the opposite of my worry!! 4 sisters take every chance to hold and love on Baby Colt!!! He is one loved and spolied baby brother!!July Robisonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03947770578573892734noreply@blogger.com0