2 years ago I felt as if all of the baby stuff was taken from me!! It is harder than I thought it would be to bring it all back out... When AJ passed away I felt as tho everyone kept trying to take/hide the baby stuff away. It was all disappearing and being put away. Unknown to me others were doing this to protect me. I do remember at one point yelling, and saying "Stop, leave it alone!".
Now as time quickly is upon us for this new little baby boy to join us, these baby items are being brought back out. I haven't seen or touched these items in so long. As I look and touch these items, glimpses of a baby "AJ" comes rushing back to me with tearful memories and heartache. A car seat, stroller and a bassinet were the first of items to be touched and release memories good and bad from just over 2 years ago. As I put the bassinet back together, I found the sheet from AJ still on the mattress waiting to be washed. This brought tears of a time ripped from us and put away. Another item that still sits bagged up waiting to get wiped down, is the car seat that Paul hand picked out.
The seasons will be off from AJ to this baby. It has been wonderful to get so many things just for this wee little baby that is coming. It was hard to look at a filled baby dresser that I never unpacked from AJ. I have wondered what I/we would be ok seeing this new son/brother wearing that AJ did. We are learning between Paul and I that certain items effect us individually and different. One item has hung in our bathroom for 2 years was a white washcloth that was used on AJ. It has now been switched out for a brown washcloth.
We were given this pillow, I love this quote and makes me think of my sons especially today on mothers day.
My heart will forever ache for our son AJ, but is opening up for a new little spirit that I wish could tell me his heavenly secrets of his older brother.