Saturday, September 27, 2014

40!!! Just another day to another year and decade


I'm not in my 20'sanymore, okay that is far gone now.  I'm not in my 30's either anymore, and those yearsslipped away.  I guess I am now to say "HELLO" to the 40's!!!!

       Here comes the bomb!!!

    I don't mind other people's birthday's.  I LOVE to celebrate my children's birthdays, but not my own. Does any one else feel the same way????   The more I get told Happy Birthday the more my eyes well up and fill with tears.  I wish I could find the JOY in my own birthday. I have noticed this to get worse over the years. NOT sure what happened.  Did I create over some years unmet expectations, Did I feel I got forgotten, Did the meaning of birthdays change for me and bring heartache after AJ died..... I honestly don't know what happened to me? In my own confusion of sorting this out, I have 2 ways to handle or except September 28 every year..... 1. Wish the day could be skipped or 2. Celebrate the day with confidence and joy with friends and family. I hope that I can learn to embrace option 2.  I feel bad that my children watch me not enjoy this day that I truley wish and want to enjoy.     Let's give it another try, tommorow I can try. I have 8 min left to be 39!!!!!!!

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