Saturday, April 27, 2013

A Wonderful Day of Mixed Emotions....


     2 years ago today..... My world was pulled out from underneath me, my heart was broken, I became empty and numb, or whatever else might explain the nightmare of loosing a child we/I had been drug into.  I remember bits and pieces of that day, like it was yesterday. But, some moments I don't remember as well.  The feeling of disbelief was my first reaction I remember.  So much anguish my heart had to feel that day, that is hard to describe. 

     How did we spend April 27, 2013..... How does a family spend a day that will forever be frozen in time as a day to remember a sweet baby became a angel???

   For starters Paul and I took Anna to her Soccer game bright and early. As we got to the game, Paul and I were both hungry, we didn't grab breakfast. So, I left them at the game to go get doughnuts for us.  I knew what day I had waken to that morning.  On my drive alone I had my tears fall, missing our baby boy that left us to soon. I did return to the soccer game with doughnuts to share. After the game Paul, Anna and I returned home to work on clean up.
    That afternoon, Anna and a sweet neighbor had planned a baby shower for this new baby.  There was a wonderful turn out of Church friends, neighbors and Pauls Mom and Sister came. It tickled my heart to see Anna so happy that the party she helped plan was such a great success! Thank yo to so many who gave us such wonderful gifts and support!  I am so blessed to have such wonderful people around our family.  I had such a good time visiting I forgot to take pictures...oops
    After the Baby Shower we then went to the cemetery as a family.  We got balloons on the way to the cemetery.  I noticed some reactions from some people while Paul walked out of the store with the huge amount of balloons in hand.  I saw people pointing at Paul and smiling. The thought occurred to me would they still be smiling if they knew we were going to release the balloons to our son who passed away???

Anna didnt like it when the balloons would pop by her.
     Anyway...we went to the cemetery and released balloons to AJ to play with in Heaven.  Cera ran around the cemetery like it is a park.  My husband once again pulled at my heartstrings as he knelt down to clean off our sons headstone from dry grass. 
Maddy, Anna, Cera, Paul and I released balloons and watched them float away.  It was nothing like the day we buried him when we watched hundreds of balloons float away and freckled the sky with color.  We didn't stay too long, the sprinklers were Cera and Anna were happy to get a little wet tho.
     We than went and grabbed dinner. We all were tired so, we decided to get a new Wii game came home to play as a family. I know we are boring but we were together...not all together, Roma is still gone for another week at college.

      I had several moments today that I broke down in tears. I know it is good to let the tears flow.  I also have had to learn the art of "fake it till you make it, with a smile on".  I was touched when a few people asked or sent messages of remembering AJ today.  I know in time most people forget what today is to us, and I have excepted that. But for those who remember, Thank you!!! You have no clue how much it means that you do remember AJ.
     Having the baby shower today was a little tough but, I did it!!!  I felt a little guilty at times today celebrating a new baby while it is AJ's angel day.

I/WE will forever Love you our First Born Son and Brother!!

1 comment:

  1. I seriously love your blog posts! What insight they give... what heart I can tell you put in them. All throughout yesterday I thought of your family and dear AJ... even today my thoughts are lead there. My life was quite different especially the week after he died. I remember where and what I was doing today... Anyways I wouldn't go on and on. But I love Anna's outfit! and you look good!