Monday, March 25, 2013

Excitment, Worry or Fear is Building.....

                                I have never felt such joy/excitement and anxiety/fear all at once!!

                           I am thrilled beyond words to have another son in just over 7 weeks!!!

Before AJ passed away I was not one to have anxiety, but since then I have noticed many moments of anxiety.  I am learning how to cope with these feelings.  I have noticed my anxiety and fear of this new little boy coming to join us. I have been told it is ok and normal what I am feeling.  I have had dreams of not letting this little baby out of my sight.  I am learning and figuring out what I can do to help ease my emotions. 
     There are clothing items, a car seat cover and several other things that I won't emotionally be able to reuse.  Some items will forever be connected to memories of AJ and not used for another.  Only those that have lost a child can understand this thought process.
      I have already bought a blessing outfit for church for this new little one. I purchased something not white, I could not bear to see another son of ours all in white. It would bring to many tearful memories back to me.
      I'm researching monitors to watch respirations.  There are some monitors available, that alarm if the baby has no movement.  I like to plan out and know what to expect.  In analyzing my own reactions and behaviors, I feel like I am trying to plan out certain things that I can have control over.

These are ways my fear is out weighing my emotions..... I do know that this sweet baby will bring more Joy  to our family more than we will ever know!!!  --- Just like today Cera was touching my belly and felt the baby move!!! she jumped and got so excited. I know these sisters will Love and cherish their new brother and watch a close eye on him!!!

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