Mornings and bath time....

          Every morning Colt is so happy and interactive for over an hour or so. I love the mornings with him!!! I'm not the only one who does.... every one ends up on our bed watching, talking and trying to play with Colt. Colt will smile and look around. I am astonished at how happy he is. He will smile and have a happy countenance about him.  One morning I tried capturing a picture of him smiling...I kept missing!!! He would smirk or smile and I would push the button on the camera and miss the smile.  When Colt smiles he brings joy to my heart that has been mending. Watching him smile and have such Joy brings tears to my eyes of happiness and Joy!!

Bath time for the first time was fun!!!

He actually was really relaxed and then started to get cold and wanted out I think.  Right before we got him out we captured a picture with his fist up ....we all laughed!!!

Fathers Day 2013

     Fathers Day is a day just like Mothers Day.... It is more for the happiness and the opportunity for the child/children to show Love, Appreciation, Gratitude and adoration for their parent.  In watching my own children on these days, they show more excitement to show their undying Love for the adults in their life.  How pure a child's Love is shown!!

     My wonderful husband married me and walked into an instant family several years ago.  He embraced every moment and wanted the opportunity to be a father.  He has been an amazing step-father to my daughters. The icing on the cake is that he has 2 sons now.... One son that will always be by his side spiritually and may have always been by his side and he not known it. A second son that will spend an earthly existence growing and playing by his side.  I look forward to the day when I can see my sweet husband holding both of his son's.

 

      I had walked downstairs, Paul was watching TV and cuddling with Colt.  I saw him gently kiss Colts forehead. I was disappointed I missed such a precious moment with the camera.  This was the best picture I could get of these two. 

We made Fathers day packages for the grand-pa's and dad's.  For other dad's we made a little cookie treat with a note.

Processing Anxiety and Fear.... The Only Way With Prayer

I know doing certain things will bring back AJ memories and emotions of grief.... I know this will happen until Colt will pass the age when AJ passed away. And... at that point it will change to Colt is doing what AJ didn't have the opportunity to do.

For example right now...

1.  I have recently made Colts baby announcement and now in the process of getting them mailed out. This is hard due to the week before AJ passed away I was doing this. Only difference Colt is almost 5 weeks old and AJ was almost 8-10 weeks.  I was told by some family members that they had just received AJ's baby announcement in the mail and then received a phone call regarding the tragedy of his passing. 
2. I am now in the process of planning Colt's Baby Blessing and Naming that is done at church. We are planning this a little earlier than we planned AJ's. AJ passed away the Wednesday before his was planned at church. This was very hard for us to not have made this memory with AJ at church.
3. Planning DayCare arraingements... this will be a big step that will take baby steps emotionally.

 Reliving memories stirs up memories of fear and anxiety.  In my thought process the best option that gives me peace and comfort is to pray to my Heavenly Father that loves me and wants me to feel Joy; not fear and anxiety.

Colts Newborn Pictures !!!

     What a wonderful opportunity to spend time with Karina again.... She welcomed us into her home to take pictures of Colt.  Maddy went with to watch the pictures get taken of Colt. It was another opportunity to build timeless memories. No words are enough that even come close to how cute, handsome, precious our little Colt is  !!!!!!!!   

 I love the contrast of the Yellow Tonka Truck with the Blue Blanket

 

I treasure every moment and memory made. I fear loosing moments with my family and try to take in every moment more often.  I cherish Colt's easy going personality at this point, His hair has what Cera calls "a swirl in the back and a V in front", His checks are so kissable, his little details make a memory all of his own to hold on to for a lifetime. What makes a bigger impression are the memories made when holding Colt and cuddling with him

Joy is found in memories made and remembered.

BROTHERS !!!

                    I wanted to share how much AJ and Colt look alike!!! They are diffidently brothers!!!!

                          No wonder Cera was confused at first.... they do look alike on day one.

I look at Colt everyday right now and have memories of AJ brought back to me from 2 years ago.  I see features of the two that are similar. Just like any siblings have similarities, these two did from the start. Even at 4 weeks of age they still look like brothers, only difference.... Colt is a little chubby in the face and has his own look.  I will forever wonder what AJ would have looked like as he would have matured and grown. Having Colt will give us a glimpse of that.


AJ about 4 weeks old



                               LOVE OUR BOYS  !!!

    

Colt almost 4 weeks

          I feel a mothers intuition is a gift ....  I know in my heart and soul AJ and Colt will miss each other very much during this earthly existence until they meet up in heaven again.  I feel very strongly that AJ is happy in heaven but watches over us through a thin veil from heaven.  He misses us, but has a greater understanding of the bigger picture of our Heavenly Fathers plan and is waiting for us in heaven.

Maternity pictures, I know I little late....

     I was a little nervous about doing these.... I had almost backed out several times.  When I was pregnant with AJ I had thought about doing maternity pictures, It became a fleeting thought.  When he had past away, I had wished I had.  It would have giving me just one more memory that I had built regarding AJ.  I had several people encourage me to follow through with doing the pictures while I was pregnant with Colt.   I followed through with with doing the pictures with encouragement and skepticism. 

     As time got closer to the scheduled time for pictures, I felt some reservation for several reasons.     One...  I have a hard time being the center of a picture looking larger than I normally appreciate even when not pregnant.  Two..... I had worry about how I would bond with my unborn son.  (that idea has been well overcome).

   

     I was amazed how doing these pictures helped me feel closer to my unborn son and peak my excitement of him coming.  The comfort I had leaving when finished was much different then when I had arrived!!! I left with comfort of Joy, peace and Love of a child that was having the same feeling about joining our earthly family.

                                                                            

 

     These Little white leather shoes were made by my dad many years ago  for my daughters. AJ even wore them a time or two.  I love these shoes!!  

This bear is our AJ bear that was made in memory of AJ. This bear will forever be found in pictures of our family and is found in our home.

                  

I would not have been able to have made this step of comfort before Colt came without you Karina..... Thank you Karina for taking these pictures, you are wonderful and full of love, support and understanding!!!

Comments From Sisters....

Comments that 4 older sisters have said about Colt.....

Cera: " Is this AJ?"
          " I cant say Hulk (meaning Colt), how about we call him Jacob Nicholas"

Anna:  "Can I hold him again, please?.."
            "Is he awake yet"

Maddy: " I cant get my homework done, Colt is very distracting"
             " He is... oh, so Cute"

Roma: " Hi Bubbers"

I can only imagine and dream how AJ would have been and acted around his little brother..... AJ would have been just over 2 years old.


     I worried about how these 4 sisters would be having a baby in the home again.  I was worried they would protect themselves and not get close to Colt.... But, no it has been the opposite of my worry!!  4 sisters take every chance to hold and love on Baby Colt!!!  He is one loved and spolied baby brother!!